Who puts potatoes in pasta!?

Apparently anyone can have a cooking show these days. I turned to The Cooking Channel to find David Rocco and his Dolce Vita. The premise is that he lives in the Italian countryside to discover rustic Italian food. My questions is, if he moved all the way to Italy to discover food why is he living as a recluse? I can't imagine you can gain much culinary knowledge about a culture by living in the woods...

He was making soups. Outside. Yes, I'll take dirt and bird poop with my broth thank you. I hate cooking shows that have such a ridiculous set. He cooks outside on a beautiful stove top but to contrast, his pots looked like someone dropped them down the stairs and then shit in them. This type of hippie/rich kid fusion boggles my mind. His set was screaming "I want to be a hipster". He was dressed in expensive clothing that made him look homeless (which I guess makes him a hipster). Now on to the food.

The soups were not appetizing. All of them were made with water and not completed broth. I'm not a huge fan of that. He also had the knife skills of a drugged housewife. He chopped in all directions and nothing was the same size. If you're on television showing people how to cook you should at least have a grasp on the basics. The last time I saw an onion so mangled was when my fiance chopped his first salad veggies with a steak knife. The likes of Robert Irvine would be disgusted. In one of his soups he put in potatoes AND pasta. Disapprove. When he was done with his final soup he decided it was so delicious he flipped the fork like a football star that just scored a touchdown. If there are potatoes and pasta in the same soup it is decidedly not a touchdown. This was all a little dramatic and arrogant for my taste. Plus, you're not supposed to be arrogant living in the Italian countryside cooking in a fancy yet rustic tent...

My rant is all done. I just can't wrap my mind around what producer thought this show was gold. I'll give it another chance due to pure curiosity.

Final unrelated thought: Carrots in a quesadillas are awful. I'm not sure why a restaurant would include just one slice of carrot in a veggie quesadilla. Another disappointing and perplexing situation.

New York City

A trip to NYC is always something my taste buds happily pack their bags to attend.

I visited a few places on my day trip. The first was lunch at Le Pain Quotidien. This lunch spot was selected by my slightly more pretentious friend. While it seems very French, it is in fact Belgian. I ordered the Ricotta Tartine. Apparently, Tartine is a Belgian way of saying "you're only going to get one piece of bread with this sandwich". Of course, this hardly makes it a sandwich at all. Open faced in America usually consists of some sort of melting situation or other fatty deliciousness making the second piece of bread unnecessary. My Tartine consisted of ricotta cheese, honey, figs, and black pepper. Sounds delicious. However, there wasn't any salt added to this dish. Problem. Ricotta needs...something. No salt was a disappointment. Also, all of their Tartines come on wheat bread. While this is organic, healthy, and trendy, wheat bread doesn't go with everything. However, the mint lemonade was delicious. It seemed very fresh. The Belgian Hot Chocolate was also a sophisticated, rich, creamy treat. The hot chocolate came with steaming milk and a side of dark melted chocolate. The hot chocolate was a success. Over all not a bad place to eat if you're looking for something out of the ordinary.

Since the fancy one-piece-of-bread-sandwich place didn't serve alcohol (probably not organic) we went to get Mojitos. Afternoon drinking is essential when one is  on "holiday". I had a pomegranate Mojito. It was delicious. My favorite thing about these Mojitos is that the mint wasn't muddled so severely that it got stuck in your teeth. I hate that. After all, alcohol is supposed to make people more attractive. These seemed to be made with simple syrup that had been infused with lime and mint. Then the cocktail was simply garnished with the mint and lime. They were strong drinks and delicious drinks. This is a win/win.

The next culinary stop was Sprinkles. This is a very famous cup cakery. It was started in Beverly Hills. I expected a lot as the place was founded by the lady judge on Cupcake Wars. They even have doggie cupcakes. This was important as I felt immense guilt for leaving my ever loyal beagle for the entire day. We ordered a dozen people cupcakes first. German chocolate, peanut butter chip, cinnamon sugar, vanilla, black and white, s'mores, and chocolate coconut. While I usually find that my cupcakes are better than any I've ever paid for, these were more delicious than most of my creations. The cakes were moist, yet fluffy. The frosting held most of the flavorings (which I fully support). The only complaint is that some of them came across more muffiny than cup cakey. They must have some sort of culinary identity crisis. The one real problem was when the cupcakes are unwrapped, their tops fall off. Now, this is something that usually gets men very excited. My fiance was less than pleased with these topless cupcakes. The top of the cupcakes were just too heavy with delicious frosting for the stumps. The integrity of the cupcake top can often be compromised when the cupcake tin is too full with batter. I call it the "mushroom cake effect". The doggie cupcakes were impressive. Sugar free bottom and a yogurt frosting. My beagle ate them in one bite. While this seems normal for a dog, it is not normal for my dog. He usually insists that his treats be broken up into bite size pieces and then fed to him individually. He is just as snotty as his mother about his gastric habits.

Finally we visited Ninja New York. We have been there before, but it's always a fun experience. Their food is art in both taste and presentation. Everything comes flaming or smoking. Magic tricks make everything taste more unique. That is a fact. My fiance and I shared the signature dish. On a carved log came mango glazed Angus steak and a king crab and cheese topped potato. The side dish was fried risotto. Both of the protein dishes were cooked perfectly and decidedly delicious. The steak was sweet and salty. The crab was rich and creamy. The risotto was a little bit of a miss. It needed salt...or any flavor. The highlight of this restaurant : the cocktails. They came on fire and with exquisite Asian fusion flavors. Any time someone puts ginger in my cocktail, I'm game. Adding fire and Ninja magic to the alcohol made the cocktails delicious and entertaining enough to continue paying upwards of $10 each. Since so many of the delicious cocktails were ingested, this is where our journey ends.

Italian Threesome

I am always extremely impressed with how many different delicious treats can be made from the same base. Sugar, eggs, butter, flour. Four things that make all of the fabulous treats in the world. Today the quartet decided to go Italian. Biscotti cookies are in the oven. I used the base recipe of Anne Burrell. It was super easy. All though, the first time I made it, I truly fucked it up.

I misread the directions and added an extra egg. Plus, I thought that her instructions to put the dough in the oven as two logs was more of a suggestion. It wasn't. the dough expanded so much it looked like a white version of Slimer as it came out of the oven. I learned my lesson. This time the dough is in two perfectly shaped logs and the correct amount of eggs have been mixed into the batter.  In addition to not recklessly ignoring directions from famous a chef, I changed the flavors a little.

I used pistachios since apparently bags of them are now an acceptable Christmas gift. After the holiday, our cabinets are full of them. As if shucking the pistachios wasn't a pain in the ass enough, my beagle taste tester ate just as many as I put in the batter. I'll accept his tail wagging compliments since right now he is my only critic. Pistachios and citrus go really well together, so some orange zest made an appearance. Finally, in addition to the vanilla, I added some anise. Anise and orange are a classic couple. Yes, this does appear to be a love triangle but trust me, it's a threesome. I picture anise and orange as the old married couple and the pistachios as the tramp. The raw batter I ingested was delightful and so was the first bake (biscotti cookies bake twice). Cutting them into their shape after the first bake is always a little difficult. However, it is worth it. You get to eat the ends of the logs, the ones that crack, and so on.

Final thought: long live carbs.

Puerto Vallarta

Not a lot of cooking has taken place these last few days. The cupcakes I started were finished and a success. They were a key lime sticky vanilla cake that was filled with tart mango puree. Finally, the standard vanilla butter cream was the star with some orange zest and ginger. I love ginger, orange, and mango. It's tart, sweet, and then there is a slow heat on the back of your throat from the ginger. Overall a success and my mother liked them, which was the whole point since it was her birthday.

For her birthday dinner we went to Puerto Vallarta. This is a well known Mexican restaurant that has a few locations through out CT. It's never a culinary marvel, but good none the less. I had a shrimp quesadilla filled with tons and tons of cheese. They make guacamole right at your table and have excellent drinks. This Americanized version of a seaside Mexican town is much better than the real deal.

My fiance and I traveled to Mexico a couple of winters ago. The authenticity isn't worth the stomach churning details. We went to a small secluded beach off of the beaten path (mistake #1). Upon arrival, we were immediately corralled by a Mexican man in a Guns N Roses t-shirt that was straight from the very early 90s. He plopped us on two beach chairs and offered us drinks. I had a mango margarita that kept separating. The heavy mango puree would float away from the alcohol. We then had chips and salsa. Home made chips are not all they are cracked up to be. They are often hard and taste way too much like bad corn for my well trained Tostito's pallet. Finally, we ordered fish tacos. Why you ask? I still can't answer that question...

While they were being prepared I walked by their "open air kitchen"(mistake #2). It was barely a shack and it was swarming with flies and open food containers. Gross. The bathroom was a whole other story. I believe it is safe to say they didn't expect any visits from a health department.

By the time the food came our vacation mascot had arrived. A stray dog, common in Mexico, that I immediately became too friendly with. He laid near my beach chair just like a real pet until the surf came up to touch his paws. He then pounced on top of me in a scared fit and ran away. This was also my first souvenir. Mexican dog scratches on my stomach. He didn't mean it though and he was adorable before the unplanned assault.

Now it was time to consume said fish tacos (mistake #3). I immediately convinced myself I was sick upon the fish touching my taste buds. We spent several hours trying to convince me otherwise. It didn't work. The fish was fried, the tortillas were extra corn-like (just as the chips). There was a pink sauce that was on the taco that was almost good. However, I still couldn't taste anything but the dirty kitchen when eating the tacos. To try to salvage the culinary experience we visited one more restaurant. This one was a little more well known.

The first sign this place was going to be better was that they sold t-shirts. This was perfect because it had been raining all day and I was soaked. The food was pretty average. I didn't get anything that would make them jump through culinary hoops. I didn't even get anything Mexican. I ordered a giant hamburger in a very Catholic country on Ash Wednesday (mistake #4). I am Catholic myself so as soon as I remembered we visited their very famous church...

Vinegar Warfare

Last night, after watching Top Chef all day long, a new recipe emerged.

I decided I needed to put the goat cheese in my fridge to use. I love the combination of goat cheese and pears. The sweet pear with the creamy tangy goat cheese seems like they were made for each other. All though, goat cheese by itself is one of my favorites. Forget "melting in your mouth", it feels like moisturizer for your mouth it's so soft and creamy. I pounded some chicken really thin and rolled it up with goat cheese and thinly sliced pears. I decided the chicken needed to be fancy on the outside too. I used the rest of  balsamic vinegar in my cabinet to make a reduction that I would glaze the chicken with to make it sticky, sweet, and delicious.

My fiance has no idea about most things that happen beyond the threshold into the kitchen. I took this opportunity to play a small trick on him. Getting your nose anywhere near vinegar that is reducing feels like you're in the middle of chemical war fare. The military should really look into that as a cheaper option. I pretended like I needed him to smell the reduction to see if it was any good. He smelled it and went into a coughing fit. Then he simply looked at me and said "that was mean". I couldn't help it. It was almost more fun than eating my beloved goat cheese.

The side dish wasn't as much fun as far as trickery goes. Some blanched green beans with bacon and caramelized onions. Of course there was some garlic in there. Since I am Italian, it needs to be somewhere in my dinner.

We had some Moscato wine with the meal and after a couple of glasses realized that there was no way we weren't eating dessert. I guess we take Weight Watchers points as more of a suggestion than a hard and fast rule. This is probably why neither of us can wear our "skinny" clothes for more than a week at a time. My fiance went to Price Chopper and got two of the biggest mediocre cupcakes I'd ever had. But, it did the trick...kind of like putting a bandaid something that needs stitches.

Well, I know I promise cupcakes. They're not done yet. I cheated. I used a cake mix. But, I used key lime diet soda instead of what the directions called for. Just so you know, it makes box cakes super moist and adds a little extra flavor. I also made the puree that I intend to inject into the cakes. Mango and orange. I think I'll put some lime zest in the butter cream frosting and top it all with coconut. Island Cakes. Yum. A trip to the store for a few last ingredients and it's time for cakes.

Hello Delicious World

I've always had to wonder how it is that regular people become food critics, columnists, or experts. They are an expert at talking about something everyone has to do to live. Eating. I say, if you do something enough, you have to become an expert eventually. How fabulous for me that this is my attitude. Therefore, Let's have a stab at it.

My mother is mostly Italian in practice. Therefore, the table was always full of delicious Italian food when I was a child. As a 4th generation Italian-American, I am very much a fan of bastardized Italian food. This means everything from almost authentic Italian restaurants to bad delivery pizza. This love of delicious cheese covered carbs spiraled me into learning to cook. Then, I inundated myself with cooking TV. Experiments began. Some successful and some a laughing disaster. My formulas have improved as I've practiced.

Here I'll talk about my many food adventures, misadventures, and binges. In and out of my own kitchen. I love to eat and try new things. To get there requires me to cook most of them. My fiance thinks I'm a genius cook and my mother thinks differently... at least 50% of the time. I've gotten rave reviews from friends. I've gotten rave reviews from people that I don't know (they are the most important). Let's see how it goes from here on out.

I am no chef, but a self proclaimed foodie. I am also not a writer. I'm sure I'll offend English teachers and scholars alike with grammar mistakes and word misusage. We'll see...

Tomorrow, my mother's birthday cupcakes. A new creation, stay tuned.